“A hard man is good to find.”
~Mae West

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
~Groucho Marx

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

- Phyllis Diller

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” ~Dean Martin

A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.

~Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. 

~Rita Mae Brown

“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”

~Pearl Bailey

“I don’t care what is written about me as long as it isn”t true.”

~Katherine Hepburn

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”
~Fred Allen

When my wife was asked, “Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . .” she answered, “For richer.”

- Anonymous

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
~Steven Wright

“Okay, so God made man first, but doesn’t everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?”
~Courtney Huston

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” ~Henny Youngman.