Funny Quotes
04.29.09
“A hard man is good to find.”
~Mae West
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
~Groucho Marx
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
- Phyllis Diller
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” ~Dean Martin
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
~Anonymous
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
~Rita Mae Brown
“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”
~Pearl Bailey
“I don’t care what is written about me as long as it isn”t true.”
~Katherine Hepburn
“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”
~Fred Allen
When my wife was asked, “Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . .” she answered, “For richer.”
- Anonymous
“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
~Steven Wright
“Okay, so God made man first, but doesn’t everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?”
~Courtney Huston
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” ~Henny Youngman.
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